i just had sex bonerless
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
