dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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