Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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