well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
