too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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