??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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