don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
