nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
