everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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