Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
