So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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