Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
