Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
