My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
