You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
