When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
