Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
We left an ass print on the piano.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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