if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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