Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
