I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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