We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
