he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize