I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
