i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
