the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
