I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
