Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
