So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
