new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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