i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
