I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
