Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
