I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
