I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
