i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
