Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
