Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
