What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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