yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
