6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
