Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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