There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
