I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
