he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
