I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
