would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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