It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
