every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
