how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
