Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
