Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
