Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Found your dick twin last night
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
